Carrying conjoined twins

The first 21 weeks of my pregnancy were completely normal.  Besides the fact that I had HORRIBLE morning sickness.  That was just miserable. I didn't have any with B or B so that was new to me.  Everything else was completely normal.  We had an ultrasound at 7 1/2 weeks which showed a baby with a good heartbeat.  We had 3 completely normal appointments with a good heartbeat every time.  I worried like crazy in the beginning (like normal) I had 2 miscarriages between B and B so I worried about that of course.  Everything just felt good and normal.  Then at 20 weeks 5 days we went for our normal ultrasound that we were of course so excited for.  That's when life and my pregnancy changed.  That was when we found out we were carrying conjoined twin girls.  All we were really told is they were conjoined at their chest sharing a heart.  The following week at 21 weeks 1 day is when we found out details of our girls.  We found out that they each had 2 perfect brains, 2 perfect legs, 2 perfect arms, 10 perfect toes, 10 perfect fingers, and each had all the organs they needed.  They shared a liver and a 4 chamber heart.  At first we were told 7 but the next day it was found it was 4.  I was so angry.  I was so sad.  I was absolutely devastated.  If only the egg had just split we would have 2 perfect baby girls in our arms today.  Despite all that our baby girls were absolutely perfect to us.  I'm so grateful that none of our doctors ever tried to pressure us to terminate our pregnancy.  It wasn't an option for us so it would not have mattered if they did because it would not have changed our minds.  Our girls were not and would not suffer so for us personally we would never terminate the pregnancy. I was just glad not to have someone trying to convince us to do that.  We were lucky to never have anyone say rude, hurtful or negative things to us.  I had one person ask me why I would go through it all and not just terminate them.  I explained to her all the reason why I wouldnt terminate. She didn't have much to say after that :) I wanted to allow them every chance I could to live. I loved my baby girls from the moment I knew I was pregnant and that love grows everyday when you are carrying a baby inside of you.  It did not change that day we found out.  If anything it grew 10 times stronger.  If you read statistics they say 40-60% of conjoined twins are stillborn.  I was not going to let a day go by not loving them with everything in me.  I wanted them to feel that.  There are so many more emotions that come along with carrying conjoined twins (or any baby that you know has a very slim chance of survival)  It is not easy at all.  That first week after we found out I didn't hardly sleep at all.  The entire time I was pregnant I constantly worried about them.  If I didn't feel them move I panicked thinking something was wrong.  I love being pregnant and I enjoyed my pregnancy with B and B but I really really tried to embrace every single moment with my girls worrying that I would only know them inside of me.  Of course I had days where I broke down and was just done being pregnant but I snapped out of that real quick.  I loved every single kick, punch, nudge, ache and pain.  Our girls were head down early on and never changed positions.  I went to one appointment and somehow they had managed to change sides!  Basically they rolled over each other.  Baby A was always on my left and baby B on my right.  That day baby B was on my left and baby A was on my right.  We knew this from the ultrasound . It was amazing that they did this!  Well a few days later they were moving like crazy.  My stomach looked crazy!  I just knew those little girls switched back to the other way!  Sure enough at my ultrasound a few days later we saw that they had.  I loved that!  I loved feeling them so full of life inside me!  They were strong and they were alive and I was so grateful for that.  I was lucky enough to carry my girls till 34 weeks.  I had them at 34 weeks 1 day.  That was the day Ava and Teagan were ready to come in to this world!  They may have only been here a few short days but they taught me a lot.  I feel like I learned a lot about myself and life carrying them and them being here with us those 2 days.  I love B and B with everything in me and unconditionally but with Ava and Teagan I felt like I really felt what unconditional love is.  I learned to appreciate each and everything thing no matter how big or small.  I learned that there are so many things in life that you let get to you that really just don't matter.  I learned it really can be worse than it is and to try to remember that everyday.  These are all things that I already knew I just feel like I really feel and know these things now.  I really learned what real true heartbreak feels like.  Losing my babies is hands down the worse feeling and worse loss I have ever felt in my life.  Watching your babies take their last breaths and burying your babies is one of the worse feelings you can possibly imagine.  They may have only been here with us for 2 days but those 2 days are days I will never ever forget.  I hope in those 2 days they felt the tremendous amount of love we had for them.  I will miss my babies every single day.  I will love them every single day. One thing I'm most certain about is that fact that I will be with them again one day forever.  Until then I hope they are looking down on me and are proud that I am their mommy.