I want to keep every detail of Ava and Teagan fresh in my memory forever. So I feel like writing is the best way to do that. I will always have something to look back on. One thing I haven't written in detail about is the day of their funeral. It was a hard day to get through and a hard day to think about. I am going to go back before they were buried though. After we found out about them we talked and decided to preplan whatever part of their funeral that we could. For several reasons. One being that funerals are not cheap and by preplanning you can save some money. Another being that we just did not want to deal with it after they were born and passed away. Its the last thing we wanted to deal with. Of course some things we had to do after but most was done before. We checked out 2 cemeteries and went with the 2nd one that we saw. It is on a pretty busy intersection so at first I was hesitant about even going there. Once we pulled in there I loved it! Its so pretty and surprisingly peaceful in there. We met with an amazing woman who helped us with everything. She showed us the "Baby Garden" and we chose to have them buried there. I remember picking their spot they would be buried and also choosing their casket. I don't even know how I got through this and cant even remember what else we did that day. It was such a stupid day. Back to March 24th. Well I was in the hospital for 8 days after Ava and Teagan were delivered. I got sick and had a bowel obstruction so I was stuck there for awhile. Jason had to finish up everything with their funeral and I felt terrible that he had to do that without me. Thank God for his amazing Mom and Dad that went with him to do it though. He made beautiful memorial cards for their funeral. He did them himself and had them printed at Kinkos. He is awesome! I love my husband so much!
The day that I was released from the hospital (March 22nd) me, Jason, my dad and the kids went to pick out flowers for their funeral. We chose a pink and white casket spray and my dad got a matching flower arrangement that stood up. March 24th was the day that we laid our babies to rest. We woke up that morning and all 4 of us got ready. Jason and I dropped the kids off with Jasons parents so that we could go to the funeral home early. When we got there Jason went back to see Ava and Teagan first to make sure I would be ok seeing them. Now thinking back its kind of silly, why wouldn't I be ok! Of course I would be. Anyway he came back and got me and we went and spent about a hour with them. We didn't have an open casket and that day we were the only ones that saw them. Now I wish I would have had our family, especially mine in there with me since they never got to meet Ava and Teagan. At the time though I just thought that's not the way I wanted them to see and remember them. I wanted them to remember the way they saw them alive and for my family who never got to see them in person to remember them the way they were in all their pictures. It was actually much more peaceful than I had anticipated. Sitting in there with them I was ok. I cried but I was ok. What was hard was walking out of there and them telling us that they would close the casket and that it cant be opened again. We said out final goodbyes and walked over to the chapel. Its such a strange feeling. I have been to many funerals of loved ones but this one was just not the same. I felt like I was in a daze or like I wasn't even there. I just went through the motions and did what I was suppose to. We had many friends, new and old, our families, a few of my doctors and one of the nurses from on of the offices and even a sweet lady that I don't even know who came with a friend of mine. I sat through it and really couldn't tell you what was said. That makes me sad. I remember thinking that was perfect after though. We then had a graveside service. Jason and I got up first and he carried their casket out to the hearse that drove it to where they were being buried. Sitting there was the hardest part for me. Seeing their casket sitting there waiting to be lowered was so hard for me. I just sat there and cried and cried through it. Once he was done I just sat there with my head down crying for I don't know how long. I couldn't get myself to get up. I didn't want it to be over. I finally got up and walked up to say goodbye once again. Jason and I kneeled there for awhile next to their casket and finally I was able to get up. This was one of the hardest and saddest days of my entire life. I'm so thankful for all the wonderful people that were there with us that day. It meant so much to us. I know that this day was not us saying goodbye forever to our babies because we will be with them again someday, eternally.
Brooklyn and Brayden laid these flowers on the casket for their baby sisters
The 2 flower arrangements in front of from us and one from my dad and the flowers in the back Jasons Aunt and Uncle had sent to the cemetery for us a few days after their funeral.
I wish I had taken pictures of all the flowers inside the chapel but I didnt. Those first 2 pictures our friend Alisha had taken. She took a bunch for me that day. Thanks Alisha :)
