24 weeks 1 day

We had another appointment today.  We had an ultrasound for about 1 1/2 hours.  Its nice to get to lay there and see our girls.  One baby is always facing my back so we can never see her face.  The other baby we could see her profile pretty good but getting a good 4d picture of her is hard.  Her face was right by her sisters head and also my uterus.  They need to let us see them...at least one of them!  Nothing has changed as far as ultrasound goes.  One baby is 1lb 3oz and one is 1lb 4oz.  These are approximate cuz its harder to measure them of course.  I asked the dr some questions about the babies to just learn a little more.  A lot I don't understand and really don't know how to explain it but I will try my best.  So we know they have 4 chambers of the heart but its not how a normal heart is.  The blood vessels are suppose to cross but theirs do not.  So the blood doesn't pump the way it normally would.  I asked her what the dr from CA had to say about what to expect when they are born.  It is of course impossible to know because its not like they have much to go off of as far as other cases.  He has seen a few cases where the babies survived for a few months.  My dr said as they get bigger and we get closer we might be able to have a better idea of how they will do at birth.  So basically its just one day at a time and a waiting game.  Once they come out its just seeing how they do.  She said that if its obvious nothing can be done for them they will make sure we have as much time with them as we can and not rush them off to the NICU.  We also always have to remember that as they grow bigger inside that it could start to be hard for their heart to keep up. 


After we were done with the ultrasound we met our other doctor for the first time.  He is the one that will be taking care of me and delivering the babies.  We just went over my history and talked about the babies and what will be done.  One doctor we had seen the first time we went had said that once I go into labor nothing would be done to stop it no matter how many weeks I was.  He says the opposite.  He said he will stop it and keep them in as close to term as we can.  We have also been told that when they are born nothing will be done to them but he seemed to say the opposite.  I think that if its obvious nothing they do will help they wouldn't go above and beyond but if they were born early and needed oxygen or whatever it be they would do things like that.  That's my understanding from our conversation today anyway.  Basically I think it just all depends on the situation when they are born.  He also checked my cervix since last week at the hospital they said I was dilated to 1cm and he checked and said I'm not so that is good news.  We also talked about the fact that when they are born they have to cut me up and down.  He said if we decide to ever have more kids and I were to go into labor there is a 8-10% chance the incision could rupture and that freaks me out.  8-10% may not sound high but its enough to scare me.  That is another big decision we need to talk about is the future of ever having more. 


I left the appt today feeling very confused and emotional.  Today is not a good day for me.  I just feel so confused and lost.  I question myself and if I'm making the right decisions.  This situation is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.  Its the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. 


Tomorrow we have an appointment with a cardiologist.  One of my doctors...the one that specializes in hearts is coming to the appt with is.  I just love her, she is great!  I will update more on that appt tomorrow :)