Missing you

The other night I had another dream about my girls.  Well one of them.  In it they were separated but I only had one of them with me.  Not much to the dream besides that and her just laying there smiling at me with big blue eyes.  It made me sad that I had only had one of them but dreaming about them makes me happy.  It feels so real, like we are really together.  I wish I could dream happy dreams about them every night!


A few weeks ago I had another dream.  Well I don't even know if it was a dream really.  It happened while I was almost asleep.  I saw this area outside that had the greenest grass and the bluest sky I have ever seen.  Right through the middle of the grass was a crystal clear stream that shined so pretty from the sun.  Over the stream was a beautiful brick bridge.  Everything was so perfect and so beautiful.  The best and most beautiful part of it though was Ava and Teagan were running across is holding hands. They looked to be about 3 years old. They were wearing long white summery dresses and they had long dark brown hair that was curly at the ends.  That's all it was but it made me soo happy.  I could not stop thinking about it and them all day!  I wish I knew someone that knew how to draw or paint because I would definitely have that made into art for me!  Anyone know how to or anyone that does by any chance???  :)


I'm going to miss my daughters every single day for the rest of my life but I have been doing a lot better in dealing with it.  While I think of them every day it doesn't consume my every thought.  When I think of them its not always sad now it also brings smiles when I think of the time spent with them.  Not always of course.  I still have days that just get me really really down no matter what.  Or things that trigger sad emotions.  I don't think that ever goes away and I'm ok with that.  Sometimes feeling like that is what makes me feel close to them.   I love them so much!  I'm so blessed that 4 beautiful children even if 2 of them cant be here with us.  Someday we will all be together again.  That I know!