Its been awhile

I haven't written on here since our girls passed away and didn't intend to at all.  I decided maybe I should.  I have been missing my girls terrible since March 17th.  Not one single day goes by that I don't think of them.  Really not a single minute.  They are constantly on my mind.  I miss their sweet faces so much.  I know the pain of it all will never completely go away but I hope with time I can learn to deal with it and make it a little more bearable.  For now I just take it each day at a time and try to make it through.  We will never ever forget our sweet babies and I hope nobody else does either.  I want them to always be remembered!

Those are 2 cute little faces that would be pretty hard to forget!  :)

I think about the day they were born, March 15th, all the time.  It was a horrible but joyful day.  Horrible because I knew that meant our time with them was coming to an end and would most likely be short.  Joyful because I finally got to see, touch, hold and just be there next to our babies.  When they were delivered I had to be put to sleep for the c section.  My surgery took over 2 hours.  I remember waking up and all I could think about (besides the horrible pain) was my babies.  I laid there wondering if they were alive and praying so hard they were.  I was so scared that in those 2 1/2 hours or so that they were already gone.  I remember being too scared to ask.  The nurse seemed to be talking like they were ok but I still didn't want to ask.  Finally Jason came in and started talking about them and I knew they were ok for then.  I was sooo grateful for that.  All I wanted was to be able to hold them!   Thanks to an awesome Neonatal Nurse Practitioner I got to do just that later that night despite all the NICU nurses being nervous about it.  I love him and I'm so glad he was there.  So much so that months after their birth I just may have stalked him down at the hospital to give him a letter. I didn't even know his name!  Haha that's a story for another day. 


Mommy misses you sooo much my precious angels.  I love you both soo much and someday I will see you again! 

"Those we love don't go away, they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear."