Happy 1st Birthday

It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since Ava and Teagan were welcomed into this world.  So much has happened in this past year but that day is still so fresh in my memory.  I like it that way and hope it always feels that way.  1 year ago we were blessed with our 2 little miracles.  Their time here on earth was way too short but I will treasure every moment we had with them for the rest of my life.  They were not here long but they change me forever and touched the hearts of so many others, even people we do not know.  I remember that day so well.  Jason came home from work to watch the kids while I went to my normal weekly appointment to check on the girls.  I was 34 weeks 1 day.  My ultrasound was going just like it normally does.  Measuring everything you can possibly measure and checking all the things you check in an ultrasound.  Every week my cervix was always measured by ultrasound.  This time when she measured it, it was I believe 1.4cm and the week before had been about 2.2.  I could see on the screen a pretty big black spot that was not normally there.  My doctor came in and said that I was dilated (that is what the black spot was) but that you cant tell how many cm from ultrasound.  I was sent to the hospital right from there to be monitored and checked out to see if I was in labor.  We got there around 5, was hooked up and contracting every 5-6 minutes and was dilated 4cm and 100% effaced.  We were staying and having our girls.  At 7:49pm they were born weighing 7lbs 10oz combined and 15 inches long.  Tons of dark hair and darker blue eyes.  One thing that makes me so sad is the fact that I was put to sleep and that me and Jason didn't get to hear their cries.  Its something I so badly wish I could have heard.  I miss their sweet little faces, tiny little hands and feet, soft brown hair, pretty little eyes sooo so much.  I just miss our babies terribly.  I'm so thankful for the time we have and find comforting and knowing that they are waiting for us in heaven and that we will see them again someday.  Here are some pictures from their birthday :)

Balloons and a card from Jason's family and the flowers are from their Daddy :)

Balloons from us.  The ones that have writing on them are all notes to them from our family and friends!  It was so awesome that everyone did that for us :)  I have them all printed out and I am going to make a scrapbook with them.  I had about 40 of them to write!  One balloon popped while I was doing it but thankfully I had only written 3 on it when it popped!

One more picture with all the balloons for their birthday.  The smiley face is from Natalie, Ryan and their girls

This is a gift we received from some of our friends, Nate and Tani, I love it!

This is another beautiful gift we received from Natalie! 

It has been an incredibly hard year and I miss my girls a lot.  I am having more good days than bad days now though.  Time will help with that but I will miss them forever and never be the person I was before them. 


Ava and Teagan,
Happy 1st Birthday my sweet, precious girls.  I miss you and love you more than any words could ever begin to describe.  Not one single day goes by that I don't think about you.  Sometimes the memories I have of you make me cry and sometimes they make me smile.  Every single tear I cried, pain or discomfort I felt, every emotion I had, every sleepless night I had worrying about you was worth it.  With all of that you also gave us so many smiles, you fill our hearts with more love, gave us many memories we will cherish for, you changed us in so many good ways.  Anything we did for you was worth it.  All we wanted was to give you any chance you had and to make sure that your time here you felt loved and were comfortable and never felt any pain.  I love you more than anything and wish that things could have been different but I know that one day we will be together again.  Until then I know you are in the best place you could possibly be waiting for the day we are all together again.  Mommy loves you so much!

Memory boxes

We wanted to do something special to honor Ava and Teagan for their 1st birthday.  I decided at the end of last year that I was going to make memory boxes for the hospital to hand out to other families that go through the loss of a baby.   So from them until now I have been buying things that I need to make it possible and was able to make 16!  I did 2 different things.  The first ones are a largers photo album, blanket, stuffed animal, journal and a pen.  We made 6 of these.

Jason made little tags to attach and this is the one that went on there ones

The other ones are in boxes and each include a blanket, stuffed animal, candle, photo album, journal, pen, tissue and forget me not seeds.

Here are the ones that he made to attach to the top of these boxes.

I delivered some today to one of the hospitals and I will be delivering the others on Thursday.  I hope the families that receive this love them.  I wish that no one ever needed them though!

Its hard to believe that in 2 days Ava and Teagans first birthday will already be here.  I love you so much precious girls and still miss you terribly each and every day.