Christmas

I had been thinking about the upcoming Holidays for awhile and how everyone says that they will be really hard.  I really thought it would be ok.  I do have 2 beautiful children to keep my spirits up but whoa was I wrong!  A few weeks ago we were going to do family pictures for Christmas cards and when it came down to it I just couldn't do it.  It really made me sad to do them and think that Ava and Teagan should be here with us in them.  So no Christmas cards this year and that is ok.  I think that's when I kind of realized maybe it wouldn't be so easy.  This past Sunday we went to the cemetery where they are buried for a Holiday Remembrance Service that they do and it was so nice but I think that's when it really hit me that it wont be easy.  Its hard knowing we should be a family of 6 here celebrating Christmas.  I have to get through it for B and B but it is hard for me.  Those 2 deserve a wonderful Christmas though.  They are great kids that have also been through a lot this year with us losing Ava and Teagan and also all the times Ive spent in the hospital this year was not easy on them.  Brooklyn especially worried about me each time I had to go in for surgery.  So for them I will put on a brave face and get through it.

We are making sure that we remember and include Ava and Teagan anyway that we can!  The first thing we did was make sure to get them little stockings to hang with ours.  They are just little ones with their initials to hang with ours to acknowledge that they are part of our family and they always will be.  They are real, they were here, they are our babies and will always be a part of our family regardless of where they are.

We also went to the mall and chose 2 names off of the Angel Tree.  We picked 2 girls that are 1 year old.  We were trying to find 2 little girls that were about 9 months old.  Ava and Teagan would have been 9 months old on the 15th of this month.  So we chose the 2 babies and bought them toys, clothes and pajamas.  We hope that we can help them have a wonderful Christmas this year.  Although gifts aren't what Christmas is about or what will make it a great day it sure can help brighten a kids day.  We hope that they love their gifts!  It felt good to do something for others and to do it in memory of Ava and Teagan.

Yesterday we went to the cemetery and put a little Christmas tree there for the girls.  We hope they love it!  :)

Our last thing to do for them is to get their ornament which we will probably go do this weekend.  Even though my precious girls aren't here with us I will ALWAYS make sure they are remembered no matter what!